


Earthbound

by imogenbynight



Series: Odds and Ends [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Gen, Long poem, Poetry, and it could be read as Dean/Cas, but I think everything could be read as Dean/Cas so..., includes artwork, kind of a character study of Castiel, poem, post 8.23
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-20
Updated: 2014-01-20
Packaged: 2018-01-09 10:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imogenbynight/pseuds/imogenbynight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>before stars <br/>were stars<br/>he was shaped</p><p>created from light<br/>before light<br/>burned</p>
            </blockquote>





	Earthbound

* * *

Earthbound

before stars   
were stars  
he was shaped  
  
created from light  
before light  
burned

he doesn’t remember the start  
—the stretch of infinity  
on all sides too great  
even for a being of light  
to comprehend—  
but he remembers being  
named

he remembers the seraphim,  
cherubim, ophanim, spheres

remembers dominions, virtues, powers

remembers principalities, archangels,  
and then, finally,   
himself;  
 _angel._

earthbound,  
the first time,  
he settled with grace  
and stood at the shore  
where they all stood, silent  
and waited

he remembers dark water  
deep  
and the first faint flicker  
of something within

remembers the gray fish  
it’s slick-skin slimy as it dragged itself ashore

remembers four legs  
shifting  
to two

long before his two wings  
shifted  
to six

he remembers the fragility  
of humankind  
without the cover  
of fur  
or water  
and how they struggled

he remembers   
the moment  
they discovered fire  
and how his brothers and sisters  
sang  
their voices lifting  
high and bright  
as the flames

he remembers when they spoke  
at last  
how their poetry grew  
within him  
as a forest

and for millennia he stood  
in silence  
and listened  
and watched  
and grew to love them

and when time was named  
and he was granted the glory   
of command  
he learned to fight the hordes  
of hell  
and carry the weight  
of heaven  
for the sake  
of earth

and when time  
kept moving  
on  
and on  
he learned to doubt  
to question  
to wonder  
and he kept it to himself  
until he couldn’t

he remembers the first order  
to destroy a human life  
and his refusal

he remembers the second,  
the third, the fourth time, too

but the memories are hazy  
blank patches blurred  
dulled faded burned  
with the presence of   
a siblings grace  
pressing on  
his grace

but he remembers where he was  
—alone in the cool   
dark   
silence   
of the ocean  
watching silver-finned fish   
that darted as one and wondering   
how it came to be   
that angels behaved   
more like these creatures   
than the humans   
they had been charged with—  
when the word came

_seige_

and moments later, four words   
that would unmake him  
and create him anew;

_he must be saved._

he remembers the catch-drag-burn of fire and ice  
the stench of sulfur  
as his light  
was leeched  
and his wings  
were scorched  
as he flew  
onward  
downward  
deeper  
toward the beacon  
of the righteous soul shining  
  
though it was no brighter   
than the souls on earth,  
in hell he shone  
like grace

he remembers anger  
(don’t touch me)  
and fear  
(don’t touch me)  
and shame  
(just leave me)

he remembers  
raising him  
anyway

remembers claiming a vessel  
the first time  
how the sensation  
of having teeth  
a tongue  
fingernails  
was foreign to him

remembers how time  
seemed to slow, then,  
so that four mortal years  
seemed to hold more meaning  
than the thirteen billion  
he had lived before  
  
he remembers falling  
from grace  
falling  
in love  
falling  
into trap  
after trap  
after trap

he remembers trying  
and failing  
time and again  
to fix everything  
and knowing too late  
that heaven didn’t have to  
be heaven  
when he could find it  
on earth

he remembers hoping for forgiveness  
knowing  
he could never ask for it  
and receiving it  
anyway

he remembers so much;  
is satisfied with so little

and now

now  
he falls from grace a second time  
burning through cloud  
wings trailing ash  
and flame

in the wind-sting-rush  
of his descent  
he hopes the distant light  
of the righteous man  
will be enough to guide him  
home

 

**Author's Note:**

> I published this on Tumblr a couple of months ago, and just realized I never posted it here. So... I hope you enjoyed it, and the art, too!   
> Thanks for reading :)  
> ~ Cass


End file.
